When Did Laundry Become “Women’s Work”?
I don’t have all of the answers. Maybe that is a start.
Shocking, I am sure, I, a man and father, do my family’s laundry. Each and every day. Quite the revolution, lol.
Laundry in Japan is a daily task (three kids). In North America, taking a big bin of dirty clothes to our building’s shared washing machine, then tossing the newly washed clothes into the big dryer across the room on occasion was no major task for me. I was just “helping” and felt satisfied with my participation.
Yet, things needed to go a different direction when we moved to Japan and the wife had a regular job with a forty-five minute commute each way. And, I, did not. I like clean clothes as much as the next guy. So….
In Japan, every single sock, towel, shirt, pair of pants, shorts, and underwear are hand hung on a drying rack. Add to this the fact that where you hang the laundry in your house tends to be 0º to 10º for a third of the year. Consequently, cold wet laundry + cold room = dull uncomfortable task.
When we first moved here we went to the electronics store and drooled over the dryers on display. Aside from the purchase prices being a bit steep, there was a math disconnect. Strangely, we could purchase a large volume washing machine (9 kilograms) but could only find a dryer that could handle 6 kilograms. So, on the best of days, we would still be hanging laundry. And, did I mention that using the dryer on your clothes purchased in Japan will find your clothes much smaller than you remembered?
We didn’t buy the dryer. And, in reflection, I came to understand and appreciate the old laundry racks that used to be in so many people’s backyards. A little manual work at a price that’s absolutely free. And, in today’s world, energy-free. Hanging clothes won’t use electricity nor gas and won’t contribute to our world’s huge methane pollution problems.
So, why don’t men do laundry?
During my years of hanging laundry I have often unpacked in my head why laundry ever became a gendered task. (If you don’t think so, ask your local father, friend, co-worker, or boss about who does the laundry in their houses). We have attached a reflexive reaction to this task that indicates this is a demeaning task for a man. It’s not simply another household chore to be done. It’s a “woman’s job.” Often, we will fob it off as she’s “better at it” simply because the woman has done it most often. “Practice makes perfect” as the saying goes.
It made me wonder what other household duties have I resisted (or ignored) over the years for fear of its association with “femaleness.” This led to considering my expectations for my son and ensuring he does and understands laundry, cooking, and cleaning beyond a cursory level. It’s shameful that an overwhelming majority of boys are raised with an expectation that their mothers or sisters should handle certain tasks as it’s his privilege to reject these tasks.
In a Japanese house, when entertaining guests, mothers and daughters are expected to prepare food and make tea or coffee for guests. Why not the father or the sons? Why do men get to splay out relaxed on the floor while the women scurry around getting food and drink? What would happen if the boys were asked to make tea?
The gender roles we have assumed over the many generations are silly and impractical. Work that needs to be done is simply, work, not “man’s” work or “woman’s” work. If a family is a team we all need to contribute. How we all got to a place where we demean necessary household maintenance and diminish those who do it should never have been acceptable.
Our societies under-value women’s contributions as they so often modestly, quietly, and determinedly cook, clean, and nurture our families and workplaces. Shamefully, we reward women’s hard work with lower wages and less promotions. I believe, much of this has roots in our deeply reflexive biases in demeaning women and their efforts in our societies.
I am confident that the work we put into making our families more equitable places will be valuable in helping to transform our societies, one brick at a time. And, it’s my goal to see my wife and daughters treated with respect and given the same opportunities to succeed in this world as my son.
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